G.I. Joe - Geheimauftrag Cobra

Eine Actionblase, die nach einer Stunde platzt und zu einem übertechnisierten Ausschuss voller amerikanischer Klischees mutiert. Ich hatte mich auf Dennis Quaid und Sienna Miller gefreut, schließlich waren die Besten von allen der weiße und der schwarze Ninja und Rachel Nichols. Der Sinn der Besetzung von Brendan Fraser und Karolína Kurková entzieht sich mir. Doch eine Stunde habe ich mich trotzdem gut amüsiert, also drei Sterne. (10.08.2009)

Vier wohlverdiente Sterne. Ich weiß nicht, woran es liegt, G.I. Joe - Geheimauftrag Cobra hat mir aber mehr Spaß als die Transformers-Filme gemacht… Sommers ist ein Unterhaltungsexperte. Deshalb hat es mich nicht gestört, dass er sich fast jede zweite Szene aus einem anderen Film ausgeborgt hat. Er macht es gut und es ist prima. Die Figuren rufen ständig "Woow!" und "Yeeah!" – genau diese Wörter sind mir eingefallen, als ich den Film im Kino gesehen habe. Ich freue mich auf den zweiten Teil. Und den dritten. (21.08.2009)

An evil Asian, a tough black guy, a black guy spewing catchphrases, a Bond-esque villain, his fuckable assistant, a charismatic general, and ninety-four other reasons, with one added on top, not to like contemporary Hollywood. This film is the perfect storehouse of ammunition and weaponry for its opponents. Looking around, I fully understand why so many spectators were banging their heads against the seats in front of them. But... to expect anything witty from Sommers is a mockery of one’s own common sense, and I succumbed to the film from the first seconds. When, after half an hour, the action that another director would have saved for the ending - and I felt happy when 1 (in words: one) Eiffel Tower is saved and half of it is demolished (mathematically: ½) of Prague - I wondered if there was such a thing as creative judgment and common sense. And yet it was still not over. Star Wars! The craziest, most unbelievable, and most entertaining high-budget dementia that contemporary cinema has to offer. My head hurts, it really does. (14.08.2009)

The find of the year for those who love “so bad that it’s genius" bullshit. A movie where the list of all mistakes and illogicalities takes up more room than the entire screenplay. And the heavy-duty guilty pleasure is enhanced by the absolutely crazy Czech dubbing. A universe where ninety-nine percent of twenty equals nineteen, where we find the Silver Surfer (in fact two of them) prancing around, where people can eject from airplanes only by speaking Celtic, where little bastards a racing around under the ice cap and where the precise time and place of incidence is determined according to height a darkness of shadow... Well, who wouldn’t love a work of art like that? Not to speak of soap opera relationships that would have blind Esmeralda’s eyeballs drop out of their sockets. And if they had added the line “Duke, I am your father!", then I would have awarded this a full five stars. P.S.: And the not so hidden Pilsner Urquell product placement was also nice to see. (06.08.2009)

I watched it in 3 hours or so with all "stop" and "play". So I wasn't that bored. Still, I was tempted to fast-forward some of the fight scenes. Unnecessarily long running time, I'm sure it could have been done better in 80 minutes. It's very nice that they all knew each other, had a tragic past, and something in common. Such bullshit. It's watchable, but you better not turn your brain on. So if you want to turn it off, and turn it off hard, put this on. (17.10.2009)