Battleship

Die Jurassic-Transformers. Ein mit dem Budget überfressener Blockbuster mit allen selbstverständlichen Fehltritten (Klischees und Dummheit) sowie den notwendigen Pop-Elementen: eine Mega-Action, Selbstironie, ein junger Held, der sich um die Tochter des Kapitäns bemüht, G. I. Rihanna, ein Schwarzer ohne Beine als Held und alte Matrosen, welche die Welt retten. Vor dem Jahr 2007 wäre es ein Hit gewesen. Heutzutage dominiert auf diesem Gebiet aber Michael Bay, dessen visuelle Gestaltung einfach eine Augenweide ist – von der Action über die Sonnenuntergänge bis hin zu den weiblichen Linien. Berg ist im Vergleich zu ihm visuell statisch und nicht originell. Die Existenz von gleich großartigen, aber intelligenten Blockbustern (X-Men: Erste Entscheidung) hilft Battleship auch nicht. (17.04.2012)

It’s utter bollocks, but quite nice to look at thanks to the cinematography, which, for a blockbuster isn’t much to say. Not even the possibility that Berg put that pathos and Americanism as a parody is an improvement. 5/10 (17.08.2012)

A celebration of the U.S. Navy, a tribute to its veterans, and ego-stroking of the stars and stripes that they are still the best. But it's also a genre in reverse, with Berg also making fun of it. He loads the cannons to the sound of AC/DC and lets the old guys mentor the digital-obsessed youth about how the analog days were a blast. So far, so good. But it's 130 minutes long and all the shenanigans, when it really starts to get fun, only start happening in the second half. Until then, it’s pure misery and the essence of what the film later makes fun of at the end. I wouldn't survive watching it a second time. 3 ½. (06.08.2012)

"Liebe Genossinen und Genossen, der imperialistische Dreckskerl aus dem All streckt erneut seine miefenden Krallen nach unserem Vaterland aus, und diesmal wollte er in unseren Gewerkschaftsresorts auf Hawaii plantschen gehen. Außer unserer gut gewachsener Schauspieler, langbeiniger Nationalkünstlerinnen und wunderschönen Schiffen stellen sich ihm auch die Genossen-Veteranen sowie die gehandicapten Genossen in den Weg, um ihm die Stirn zu bieten. Künstler aus AC/DC, die ihr Verdienst bereits unter Beweis gestellt haben, spielen uns da zum Marsch." Ich schwöre, ich habe lange im Kino lange nicht mehr derart aus ganzem Herzen gelacht. Battleship ist zwar eine Art Marine-Agitation ist, die aus den dümmsten Genre-ideologischen Klischees zusammengesetzt ist, doch der Streifen ist derart übertrieben, dass einige Zweifel darüber aufkommen, ob sich Berg und seine Drehbuchautoren aus dem patriotischen Auftrag nicht ein bisschen ´nen Juchs draus machen. Das haben sie natürlich nicht, denn in einem amerikanischen Blockbuster darf man Witze reißen über Juden, Katholiken, Frauen, Homosexuelle oder aber such Regierungsbeamte, jedoch mit Sicherheit NICHT über Krüppel oder verrentete Verdienstordensträger (seien wir also ehrlich dass das, worüber wir ungläubig lachen, der übliche amerikanische Zuschauer, welcher mit Shows und patriotischen Geschichtsinterpretationen der Geschichte erzogen wurde, recht ernst nimmt). Das grundlegende Tabu "einen Krüppel mähen wir selbst mit einem UFO nicht nieder und einen Veteranen schlägt man selbst mit einem Stück Kanone nicht" ist daher ein ehrenvoller Aspekt. Er verleiht der Geschichte in einen richtig deftigen Ton und die Zuschauer wärmt somit im Kino das Gefühl, dass man bei den Marines viel Spaß erlebt und dort eine gute Truppe ist, selbst wenn eine Horde bärtiger Eidechsen aus Green Lantern die Tourismusziele am Meer plündert (Außerdem freunden sich hier recht nahe an Pearl Harbor ein Ami mit einem Japaner an, die versuchen, Sunzus "Die Kunst des Krieges" zu verstehen. Berg hat einfach alles zusammengebastelt, was ich an ähnlichen Filmen hasse, und es in einen recht übersichtlichen sowie verspielten Unsinn gepackt, der exakt so sarkastisch ist, damit man seine Botschaft "Das Imperium lebt noch“ auch noch kapiert. In ähnlicher Weise bewerte ich auch die ansteckenden Gipfel des sozialistischen Realismus. Warum wollten wir also das Agitationsgenre im kapitalistischen Umfeld ausstoßen, oder? (17.04.2012)

Non-infantile Transformers H2O taken to absurdity. Which, paradoxically, helps the experience, because Berg pokes fun at all the classic tendentious popcorn movies. And don’t try to tell me he’s being serious. My poor soul (sated in the second half with a guilty pleasure) cannot admit this (aside from an aware me: unfortunately very real) possibility to be true. No, no and no! (19.04.2012)

If you want to see a WWII ship drift across the waves of the Pacific... I think you should go for it. It may be pretty to look at, but that's about it. The story is weak, it pushes patriotism quite a bit; it has it all – flags, the sun in the background, military pride, veterans, invalids... Just a great American movie about a military setting. There's some fighting, some friendship, some loss, some explosions. Yeah, and there are aliens, but nobody really knows what they want. I guess, like, to mine the Earth or something? Nobody knows. (10.06.2019)

A dumb, but extremely entertaining movie where old technology is bulldozed by new and the “Art of War" gains a completely new dimension. Berg signed up to film this absolute shitstain of a screenplay with a few millions paperclipped to it, when the only potential lies in the name of this age-old game, these days played only by snobs who have grown bored of playing tic-tac-toe during lessons at school. But who wouldn’t like to play soldiers for the studio’s money. The directing maybe isn’t as opulent as Bay’s, but it’s easier to follow and the overall tempo of the movie isn’t so breakneck. The story: After a superb start, John Carter gets his hair cut and joins the navy due to a beautiful blonde, to become a better person, to serve on a battleship. Then some aliens from the plant G. arrive on Earth. He fights them. The number of casualties is abundant. Kitsch handled his role well, Brooklyn Decker is here just to liven things up a little. Daddy-o Liam Neeson is cool, but makes too darn few appearances. But if you were pleased that Rhianna had died, then... erm. And those poor aliens - these guys were the kindest villains I have ever encountered. Maybe we could have become friends, if the Navy hadn’t started shooting first. But we will probably never know, even though the post-credits scene from Scotland promises a part two. When the old men got in, I nearly laughed out loud. I can’t believe this wasn’t a parody. And Jablonsky and his AC/DC! - And who’s in charge of the ship now? - Hopper. - Hopper? We’re all going to die! (27.04.2012)

It would be good to say upfront that Peter Berg was to a considerable degree inspired by the master of the genre, Michael Bay, at least when it comes to visual aesthetics and style. As some have rightly pointed out, Michael works much better with the sunsets. But let's go in order. The acting is average, sometimes even dumb. Neither the funny scenes nor the moments of returning to life (the marine without legs) work, the funny lines are nothing special, and the only truly engaging dialogues are led by Liam Neeson and Taylor Kitsch in those few minutes (Kitsch, who suddenly appears out of nowhere in two big projects, is quite unremarkable as an actor). Brooklyn Decker looks really nice, but not really in her acting. The script is boring. It’s hard to come up with something, but the simple mythology and visual portrayal of the invaders irritated me and test the audience's intelligence quite assertively. Just like some “over the top” scenes with the USS Missouri that made me want to laugh. At least the constant eye candy action is enjoyable. As soon as something starts happening, it ends with the final credits. A few beautiful scenes of destruction of ships and planes, effective camera raids, and a nearly identical shipwreck staged above Hong Kong as the asteroid fall over New York years ago in Armageddon. Visual effects with a gap of about 15 years? (something to think about). Yes, sunny shots, very clear, technically almost flawless except for a few details. However, it is tremendously stupid. There is not enough romance, not enough catharsis or emotional lines. Bay is a charmer who knows how to mix everything together beautifully, Berg only knows action. (21.04.2012)

Ein völlig überflüssiger Film (und alle sollten sich bei Cowboys & Aliens entschuldigen). Ich denke, dass es in unserer Filmgeschichte noch nie größere außerirdische Idioten gegeben hat. Selbst bei World Invasion: Battle Los Angeles habe ich nicht so oft den Kopf geschüttelt wie hier. Nein, Battleship ist aus meiner Sicht kein Film, der sich über den Stil von Michael Bay (und anderen Filmemachern) lustig machen würde. Er ist nicht einmal dumm genug, um witzig zu sein. Es handelt sich einfach um einen doofen Film, der die Spitzentricks von ILM (für die ich einen Stern gebe) nicht verdient hat. Auf die einzige Szene, die nicht so ernst gemeint ist, musste ich anderthalb Stunden warten (ja, der Einstieg der Veteranen und das Ausfahren von Missouri waren nicht schlecht) und das Warten hat mir nicht besonders gefallen. Anderthalb Sterne.__PS: Die völlig unsympathischen Schauspieler*innen werden von der Sängerin Rihanna dominiert, die ich zwar nicht kenne, bei der ich aber das Gefühl habe, dass sie das Casting irgendwo auf einem Baum entdeckt und mit einem Korb voller Bananen zur Teilnahme an den Dreharbeiten überredet hat.__PPS: Liam Neeson betrifft die vorige Bemerkung natürlich nicht. (09.09.2012)

Nothing new, nothing original, only a demolition and popcorn classic in the best sense of the word. Battleship has everything a modern action movie should have, and a little bit extra thanks to the presence of pop queen Rihanna, who looks just as good in a military uniform as she does in a tight outfit. Just turn off your brain and the fun will be taken care of... 70% (01.01.2013)

Okay, the Americans have proved again that they’re the only ones who can protect the safety of everyone else around them. The reason why I watched this is that I’m interested in WW2 technology, and I wanted to see how USS Missouri would be incorporated into a film about an alien attack. My brain is still bleeding. The indestructible destroyers are destroyed and luckily only the expendable Japanese and the main hero’s brother and his crew get hurt, so the hero has reason enough to get pissed off. Throw in a battleship with a crew of veterans, conveniently aided on land by a brave legless veteran, and there won’t be a dry patriotic eye in the house. I would have loved to see the look on the face of a naval engineer seeing an anchor used as a handbrake. Disgusting! I would give this a boo rating, but I got to see the Missouri, so here goes one star. (20.06.2016)

"Transformers" are definitely not a good recommendation for me, based on which I would go see a new movie. Hasbro company introduced the classic game "Battleship" to the market years ago, which we are used to playing on squared paper with a pencil. Hasbro went a step further and created a set of two cases, which makes the gameplay more interactive. With this, I would like to appeal to the reviewers in Cinema. In a review of this film, it was stated that it is an adaptation of a computer game. It is not, of course. It is an adaptation of a classic board game. The game adaptation was released alongside the film as merchandising. As for inspiration in the older computer game "Battleship", it is nothing other than the classic "Battleships" transferred to a computer. I criticize this only because I have read about nine Cinema magazines here that have accumulated in the last few months and I have found that the reviewers in them are a very egotistical bunch who sometimes do not even bother to find out the true facts. But as for the film. It is - it must be said, surprisingly - good. The special effects sequences are great, and there is even a 3D movie variation of a real naval battle, when one just wants to hear someone say "C4". The film is surprisingly funny, it doesn't play on a melodramatic note as much, although we can still find some frantic moments here. The ending is terribly cliché, but it doesn't change the fact that the audience will have fun. I would much rather go see a 3D movie in this case than the latest "Transformers". More: http://www.filmovy-denik.cz/2012/08/lode-stud-zoo-marylin-pulnoc-v-parizi.html (24.02.2013)