Necrotongue

Compared to the last two episodes, this one felt like a step down. Not that I was bored — there was certainly plenty going on — but some things just didn’t sit right with me. Brienne casually strolling through the battlefield to get her revenge (did Stannis have a GPS on him or what?) and Cersei’s walk of atonement dragged on forever. I wasn’t sure if it was supposed to shock, awe, or disgust me; it just felt tedious, and I found myself hitting the fast-forward button. On the upside, Arya's brutal scene was surprisingly entertaining.

I’m starting to wonder if the creators decided to pour all their effort into just two (or maybe three? We’ll see) episodes this season. I liked this one too. Stannis is still stuck in his own Stalingrad, Arya’s adventures in Braavos are finally getting interesting, and there’s a major twist in Meereen. Judging by the number of them, it seems like every other citizen belongs to the Sons of the Harpy.

I could nitpick a few factual details, but I was so thrilled to finally be engaged with an episode that I'll let them slide. Five stars it is.

Stannis's forces are stuck in the snow like the 6th Army at Stalingrad, Jon made a decision last episode and is now starting to put his plan into action, but everything around him is painfully slow. The only part I truly enjoyed was Tyrion's thorny journey to Daenerys.

Either season five just isn't working for me, or I'm missing something, although I had no issues with the book. Jaime's mission to rescue Myrcella feels overly naive, the Sand Snakes, who were intriguing in the book, are painfully dull on screen, and Arya's storyline is currently a snooze-fest. All my hopes are pinned on the North.

Another standard episode from season five. We saw some decisions being made and two expeditions are gearing up in the North (one for war and one for evacuation), but the plot remained disappointingly shallow and didn't offer much new. The ending with Tyrion and Jorah was the only highlight, and if anyone nodded off during the episode, this scene might have jolted them awake.

Given my absolute disdain for religious fanatics of any kind, I've never found Jonathan Pryce more repulsive in a role. The Dornish adventure turned out to be as disappointing as I feared, and the situation in Meereen left me puzzled. Who exactly are the Unsullied supposed to be? The best soldiers? If so, this episode must have been some parody that completely went over my head.

The third episode offered more of the same. It wasn't particularly entertaining, though I was glad to see Janos finally meet his end. The plot barely moved forward, Braavos was downright boring, and every conversation between Stannis and Jon hit the same dead end. Even Tyrion, who has drunk his way through three episodes, is starting to lose his charm.

Season five isn't winning me over so far. In this episode, a lot happens, yet it feels like nothing significant occurs. Everyone talks, but few get to the point. No one wants Brienne around, so she decides to fulfill her promises regardless. Daenerys is stuck in Meereen, and after the Wall's events, Jaime heads off to Dorne. Honestly, it’s a bit of a snooze.

I initially thought the episode would easily hit four stars, but then the show threw in a bunch of pointless conversations in King's Landing and yet another round of gay soft porn, which I could really do without. Such a shame because the dialogues between Varys and Tyrion were, as always, fantastic.