Necrotongue

With this Ridley Scott spectacle, I was grateful that although technology is moving forward at a dizzying pace, movies still cannot transmit smells. Judging by the realistic take on the Middle Ages, the smells would be strong and unpleasant in this case. The grim visuals were enough. The story was excellent, and the music added to the medieval atmosphere perfectly. I found it nice that the filmmakers didn't force their truth on me; I got to see three versions of the same event, each of them different, so I'm glad God took the decision upon himself, and I could just sit back and watch. It was worth it. And the long running time? It just raced by.

I am always apprehensive about movies categorized as horror. Paradoxically, I'm afraid that I won't be scared, and I'll be bored out of my mind instead. It usually turns out that way. In this case, it was different. I can’t say I was scared as it wasn’t really a horror movie, but it worked very well as a sort of mystery thriller featuring my favorite Keri Russell. Even the lead child role was cast perfectly. The boy seemed to be given just enough to eat each time to last until the end of the scene, and then he was left to starve again until the next cut. In a damp cellar. The movie had a great atmosphere, and I wonder how much the producers had to pay the Londoners for giving up their weather for the duration of the filming. It was humid, it was foggy, and there was explicit violence. The only thing missing was the horror. But I enjoyed it nevertheless.

It’ll do as an action flick for a lazy afternoon. You can even catch up on some chores while you’re watching, as it’s not very demanding. I couldn’t help feeling that the film was trying to pretend it was better than it actually was. I’m sure Potemkin would be proud. All those supersmart and cool dialogues were actually about nothing, the amazing twists were hardly surprising, and the whole thing was just plain mediocre. The lesson I took away from the film is: "If you can't shoot, don't invest in a revolver, buy a shotgun instead. Preferably a semi-automatic." My other takeaway was that I learned to tell the difference between a professional killer and a psychopath.

The Russians have always known how to make movies. As long as they manage to avoid patriotism and ripping off Marvel movies (as a last-ditch move), they are able to make movies that are worthwhile. As far as I can tell, the 90s were similar (if not identical) for the former Eastern Bloc countries. Property was redistributed (often in a not-so-legal way), white horses became a highly endangered species, and the local governments were taken over by the all-powerful nouveau riche and ransom collectors. The film convincingly portrays this decade from the perspective of 13-year-old Masha. Polina Guchman was great as Masha and totally outshined her older fellow actors. 4*+

An excellent film that will have you laughing out loud, unless you’re a sensitive person in which case it’ll make you sick to your stomach. The Norwegian filmmakers went all out and punched up what could have been a run-of-the-mill home invasion so well that it would make even Quentin Tarantino proud. But he probably would have wished there were two hours more of talking:-) It was a very violent film, parts of human anatomy were cruelly cut, stabbed, shot, chopped, torn, and shattered, lying around in both a solid and a semi-liquid state, and yet there was still room for a considerable amount of quality (mostly black) humor. If Noomi Rapace's character hadn’t exhibited T-1000 resistance, I would have given the movie five stars. But it still deserves a strong four. 4*+

Either I'm resistant to fear (which I don't think so), or contemporary filmmakers are incapable of making an actual horror movie. The basis was good; there was a haunted house and an even scarier stone box, and… that’s it. The filmmakers were obviously trying to create an atmosphere full of tension, but they failed in this respect. I was quite bored by the film. The pair of hideous, murderous, white heterosexuals did fit the current trend, but I would have been more scared of Greta. And the monster? It was more funny than scary, but if I were a virgin, I'd probably stay one and steer clear of women.

What a disappointment. For a crime film, it lacked atmosphere and suspense, there wasn’t enough humor for a comedy (a Polish variation on Inspector Clouseau doesn’t count as humor), and it wasn’t much of a drama either. It was a hodge-podge of various genres (even a bit of romance), but everything seemed to be half-baked. I don’t even think the premise had the potential of being turned into something worthwhile. 2*-

I wasn't quite sure if the Polish filmmakers could step into the same river for a third time without it negatively affecting the quality of the story. They couldn't. The cast was still good, though. A serious illness was sneakily added to the mix this time to keep me from feeling good. I’m not saying I didn't have fun at all, but the humor couldn’t possibly balance out the ridiculous number of emotional moments and silly scenes. The Poles repeated the mistake they had made with the Letters to Santa trilogy. In both cases, two movies would have been more than enough.

No, you asshole! I apologize, but that was the mildest possible reaction to what I saw. I don't know if I will see a worse Czech movie this year. I hope not. From the opening dialogue between the main character (?) and his mother, I was pretty sure that I wouldn't enjoy this. And I was not mistaken. The dialogues were terrible, yet at the same time, they became the extremely entertaining element of this masterpiece. Allow me to give two examples of what, among other things, was said in the conversations. "I feel like I died and the whole world stopped caring about me." and "Doctors said that if it was just a millimeter off, it would have been game over for me." Well, yes, sure. The individual characters were developed so perfectly that I couldn't care less about them. Only one character caught my attention more than the others. It was the tough guy Taz, who was tougher than the tough guy Drsoň from Drsoňovice. Compared to Taz, sandpaper would seem like silk and Batman would flee to the shadows out of shame. I don't know if Daniel Miňovský used any psychotropic substances when writing the script, or if he is naturally like that, but this creation of his is truly incomprehensible to me. Pure shit. The director's surname will only be accepted by my brain with an English pronunciation from now on, the acting performances are not worth mentioning, so I can summarize the final impression with one word - disaster. P.S. Great commentary/content by Matty. I applaud and envy you:-))

The second trip to this peculiar planet didn't bring as much humor as the previous installment, but I still had a decent time. I was happy to see that the filmmakers dialed the melodrama back a bit, so I didn’t feel as if tears were wrung out of my eye sockets. Even the ending was hilarious rather than heart-rending. But still... Did it have to be a plane again? Seriously? Talk about overdone. Well, never mind. Less humor + less of a sob story = a weaker four stars. 4*-