T34 - Das Duell

If Russian filmmakers had meant this to be a World War II comedy, I would have given them four stars. Given the dedication at the end of the film, they don’t deserve a single one and they should humbly apologize to those they dedicated the film to because they have fallen down to the level of Fury. If I don't focus too much on the details, I can praise the historical accuracy of the used technology, especially PzKpfw II and III in front of Moscow and Zimmerit-covered Panthers. I also enjoyed the shots of whizzing grenades. Nevertheless, it was all buried by a ridiculous plot which was even worse than the stories of the four Polish tankmen and their dog. Another thing I wasn’t happy about was the field kitchen truck with shrapnel-resistant tires, the blasting of two PzKpfw IIIs with one blow, plastic verge posts along the German road, the concentration camp furlough, or the destruction of a PzKpfw V using a fragmentation grenade (yes, the tanks had weaker armor at the bottom, but it wasn’t made of paper). There were other goofs like handing over a tank with sharp ammunition or undisturbed rides through the cities and countryside of the Third Reich. Except for the first conflict, the creators completely forgot about the German infantry. But yeah, if I was ten, it would probably be an awesome film. (06.03.2019)

The Russians made this tribute to their tank legend in their own typical way – with grandeur and proud patriotic gestures. This story, however, is located in Czechoslovakia, with the final tank battle taking place under the Loket castle in the eponymous village. This endeared it to me so much that I overlooked even some ostentatiously digital shots, which looked like from a 2000 video game. (10.03.2020)

The Russian version of Fury is an unexpectedly solid competitor and a really cool war film for the first time in a good while. It's kind of a personal duel of a Russian vs a German captain going at each other's throats for the whole movie, and both of them are the best in the business. I loved the Czech realities, the perfect tank battles supported by slow motion and a decent amount of suspense. I consider the training scene as the highlight, when the Russians kick the Germans' ass with absolute grace and put a smile on many a viewer's face. Great. 80%. (18.03.2019)

Valorous bukkake of heroism, pathos and gluttonously staged tank action. A juvenile war fantasy combined with fetishistic adoration of the T-34, thus creating one of the most bombastic and entertainingly boorish movies of all time. Formalistically, it’s like Michael Bay with a vodka drip inserted straight into his heart and, conceptually, it resembles David A. Prior’s most puerile work. Whereas American cinematic propaganda has always aimed for the heart, taking pride in emotions and story, thanks to which it is enticing and misleading, the Russians overwhelm and conquer viewers with hysteria and deafening spectacle. If classics like The Fall of Berlin are sledgehammers that pound the desired ideals and values into people’s heads at a slow manual pace, then T-34 is an out-of-control, nitro-powered jackhammer (it’s no coincidence that Sidorov previously made boxing flicks). The hell with American blockbusters; I haven't had my head beaten in to such a degree since the first time I saw Commando when I was a kid. I hope there’s a sequel and a T-34 vs. Godzilla vs. Kong crossover coming soon. (03.04.2021)