Lima

It's a classic B-movie with a weird tough guy, a hot woman and a black man who never dies. Just everything we are used to. And the snake? The digital one doesn't impress anybody anymore and the artificial one is hilarious.

A wannabe action B-movie for gerontophiles. I hope they’ll make another one. Bronson could fight in a nursing home against a caregiver who doesn’t empty his bedpan on purpose. It could be a lot of fun.

A bit better than the previous one, but that doesn’t mean much, really. Surprisingly, Bronson is more convincing in this movie than in the previous one, after all, a proper gun in his hand suits him better than his ridiculous looking attempts at full-contact combat, which is understandable given his age. If you like explosions, which you'll enjoy in abundance, and can stomach the shitty plot, you can endure it.

Undoubtedly, for many people, replacing the legal system with a self-proclaimed vigilante with a gun in his hands is probably a compelling idea, and sometimes you cannot resist it when you watch, for example, Muslim kids trashing French streets. But that road leads nowhere, and hand in hand with Bronson, who at 64 is trying in vain to pretend he's up to it (and it's a sad sight), it's ultimately a pretty dull cinematic affair that not even a rocket launcher can save. I'm no stranger to the poetics of ‘surreal 80's movie massacres’, but the fact that in this one an architect kills about fifty bastards with his bare hands certainly doesn't tug at my heartstrings.

A funny comedy full of brilliant wisecracks, with a simple but original plot about how hypnosis can be used for crime. Woody has toned down the intellectualism and added to the fun. Helen Hunt absolutely shines, and she is literally a delight to watch.

Forget about watching the plot, forget about all the actors and focus only on noticing the slightest twitch of a facial muscle on Seagel's face. Your efforts will be in vain, but it's great fun, a lot more fun than the film itself. This guy is a true genius of minimalist acting :)

Dr Evil and his mini-me are not very good, they are actually more awkward than funny. Austin Powers isn’t very funny, either, but those beautiful babes around him are worth it. There are a couple of funny scenes, the expletive gags are surprisingly tolerable, I even laughed at one of them. Rather than a comedy, it's one big ball of crazy. I like crazy movies, so I survived Austin unscathed, but those three stars are probably too much.

Fraser is sorely unconvincing in his scenes with Elizabeth Hurley, but on the other hand he's almost brilliant as a drug lord or an over-sensitive boy; listening to his Spanish is beautiful. Overall, it’s an average comedy with some good ideas. For example, in the scene with the basketball player, where they parody the clichés we can hear all the time during sports commentators' interviews with football players and other athletes. And on a side note, isn't Hugh Grant a moron for cheating on someone like Elizabeth Hurley? If I was in his place... :)

Everybody has to start out somewhere, but you won't believe this film is directed by Cameron. Pathetic, amateurish, stupid, cheap, terribly boring. The scene of the piranhas attacking the resort is like the cheapest Ed Wood work, but unfortunately not as funny. But I know what the truth is. After this movie, the director of this monstrosity was abducted by aliens and replaced by a human with the appearance of Cameron. There’s no other possible explanation.

Terrible direction, terrible script, terrible actors. You probably won't finish it because it's beyond human capacity. Bruce Campbell as the bald villain is hopeless (Sam Raimi, kick him to wake up). I don’t recommend it even to the fans of Sean “Sam Gamgee” Austin. It is crap (the film, not Sean).