J*A*S*M

Worst. Movie. Ever.

I have to admit that this was a pleasant surprise. Four years ago, Jake West brought attention to himself with the very perverse and fun, though not very good splatterfest Evil Aliens, and I believe that he’s outdone himself with Doghouse, not in terms on nastiness, but quality. I had a lot more fun than with this year’s Dead Snow and Lesbian Vampire Killers, but the most important thing here is that the comedy doesn’t kill the horror – not that I was scared, but the atmosphere is very nice at times. Oh, and great make-up!

My goodness, that was quite nerve-wrecking! And it starts so easygoing (if we don’t count the first scene, that is), an idyll with smart little Esther and her likeable parents and siblings; I almost didn’t want to believe anything could go wrong. And it does! In the course of half an hour, Esther turns from a cute girl into the kind of bitch you want to murder with a pickaxe between the eyes, and the psycho-terror begins. Among other things, I liked how the film builds tension – there are several times when the director gives the impression that there’s a about to be jump-scare, a chilling scene or a twist, but he rarely delivers them, which does great service to keeping and increasing the attention of the viewer. For someone like Jaume Collet-Serra, who’s made the average House of Wax, this kind of mature psychological horror is a massive surprise and a great promise for the future.

8/10/2009: 2 stars /// 7/11/2014: I’m several years older and more experienced as a viewer, so I thought I’d give it another go, and it’s quite good. Science fiction of the more intellectual kind, mainly for people who enjoy being offered something to ponder over. The atmosphere is engaging and unsettling, also quite thought-provoking at times. But only at times, really, because, even though this is philosophic sci-fi, there’s not that much philosophising (they hardly speak). It could also be shorter, a lot.

This is precisely the kind of old horror film that I wouldn’t mind if someone remade it today. That abandoned ship has so much potential!!! It’s a shame the script evidently doesn’t know what to do with it. The story is quite naive already from the start, but the quality rises sharply once the likeable gang gets on board, until the screenwriter wastes the few ideas he had, that is. When the plot about the mad captain begins, I came to terms with the fact that the film will fall into a mess that will be watchable, but pointless to remember.

It’s a shame that it was not meant to be serious, I would have laughed a lot more!

Average horror B-movie. Fairly entertaining, with bland direction, but quite decent overall.

Now I’m going to praise, and a lot. Seventh Moon is the scariest new horror film I’ve seen this year. I have a weakness for cute and likeable heroines, humanoid monsters and wanderings in dark caves and abandoned villages, and I got all of that here, plus a generous portion of tension to go with it (it gets so intense at times that I was almost squirming in my seat), with a documentary camera that perfectly pulls you into the story and that also made me feel mildly drunk. One of the best things of this film is that the introduction is only about 10 minutes long, after which things get nicely going and never let you catch your breath. A perfect scary ride through the Chinese countryside. PS: You must see it and experience it at night!

An atmospherically sophisticated slasher that provides a decent psychological background to the main character/killer. I expected some sort of entertaining silliness, so I was very nicely surprised by the solid brutality and the atmosphere as a whole. Unlike other Holiday-themed cult movies, Black Christmas fully exploits the potential of the killer – that axe-wielding Santa screaming “punish” is far more charismatic than any ordinary howling asshole :-) 8/10

It’s 21 hours, 51 minutes and 43 seconds of October 2, 2009, the temperature outside is 11°C, and while Jakub is reviewing Amélie, 26 people are having an orgasm in the city of České Budějovice.